Dear father

I want to write this letter for you here because I wish to express my deepest feelings that I am afraid to show in person.

I know we never got along that well and we’ve never had a very close relationship; I know I wasn’t the perfect daughter, nor were you the perfect father. I guess, maybe, our little imperfections make as perfect together after all.

You never raised me in a normal way, even though deep down inside, you wished I would have been everyday near you. Perhaps it was better like this, perhaps not, but I feel that you are proud of who I am and what I have accomplished.

We fought so many times and I said that I hate you too often and I love you to rare. I regret those moments; I regret saying those awful things to you. Please forgive me, father; forgive this lost daughter.

My happiest memory with you is the one you consider the happiest as well. Do you remember? That sunny day in the city when we went out on the bike? I was pedaling and you were sitting in the back, struggling to maintain balance. I was so happy and so were you. After that I believe that we went to a river and I didn’t want to come out after we jumped in. I hugged you very tightly and I begged for us to stay a little longer. You couldn’t resist my charm and we stayed in the river more than we were supposed to. I loved water ever since, you made me love water because you taught me little by little how to swim.

I resemble you so much, psychically and mentally. I must admit, there were moments when I hated it and there were moments when I was very proud. I want you to know  now that I am happy I am like you. I am happy you are my father and I would never change that even if I could.

Even though you were miles away you taught me many things without realizing it. I didn’t realize it until now. You taught me how to open my eyes in all the possible ways. You taught me what unconditional love is; that spiritually we were always connected. You taught me in your silence and you taught me with your words. You are a part of this creation and you will always be, regardless of time and space, my father, the one who gave me life.

I love you father, always have and always will!

“I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.” ― Umberto Eco, Foucault’s Pendulum

Love, D.

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